Contradicting your Intuition

The world is mourning Steve Jobs this week. Facebook was flooded with his quotes and one thing that struck out most was his determination to reject dogmas and listen to his inner voice. To not live someone else's dream and follow your heart as it knows before you what you want to become. Its so easy to have your dreams overwritten by other people's opinions. Those opinions could belong to your nearest and dearest and erasing the engraving of them will prove to be an insurmountable task...well almost. I have always accepted my self as a walking contradiction, I yearn for urban city life independence and suburban family life glory equally. I see this contradiction in my parents too. My dad is a traditionalist in love with my mum, who is a complete feminist. My mum, a liberal but willing to give up that freedom for the love of her life, my dad. Intuition is an enigma. It takes us places we never believed we would arrive at. The journey is uncertain and painful but the beauty is when you arrive everything feels right to the core. R.I.P Steve Jobs.  Thank you for the inspiration.

Funny how a lonely day can make a person say "What good is my life?"

I am leaving a tough week behind me. Had a harsh awakening about mine and my loved one's mortality as my sister went through a cancer scare. But with a new lease of life I end Friday and September on a good note. Today, after work I had a serene walk to the V&A in South Kensington from work. Had a good look around an exhibition on Annie Lenox and then came home to watch a great film on the legend that is Shirely Bassey. All these inspirational women got me thinking of the beauty of being a woman. How we seem to recycle our pain to transform ourselves in to stronger beings. The innate nature of a woman is confront, despair, repair and renew who we are. Having grown up in a house of 5 women, I appreciate this strength in women. And as my sister celebrate her good health, I take a moment to reflect on "the sisters around me who do it for themselves".

From velencei tó to chithurst monastery

The last bank holiday weekend of the summer was spent in the outskirts of Budapest running, swimming and cycling around the vicinity of Judit's parents holiday home in Velence. Hungary is a country proud of its treasured remnants of a bygone communist era. Whilst building a life of democracy, I hope it retains its innocence cultivated through the hardship of the communist rule. You can witness this in long standing family run traditional bakeries, in the eyes of hungarians of the pre war era and the way ordinary people find happiness in life's simple pleasures - a very contrasting attitude to that of western europe. Fast forward a week, and today I found my self waking up at 6 am driving down to West Sussex to a Forest Monastery to help two of my friends celebrate their 10 year wedding anniversary in a spiritual way. We cooked and offered dane (lunch) to the residing monks of the monastery and passed on merit for those near and dear to us who have passed away. Mine was in memory of my aththababa. It could be because of this woman, my grandma, that I have the privilege to travel and find my self. On the day of her passing, September 07, I remind my self the sweet serendipity of life.

The Summer of Love

Am back from Italy and buoy that country rejuvenated me. Beautiful warm evenings spent under the moonlight sitting outside the village bar in carezzano to swimming in the sea of the liguria region admiring the hilly views around me to taking in the breath taking views from silvia's parents country house garden. The simple italian way of living reminded me of the best things in life. Eat, Swim and Love perfectly sums up my holiday.

Am leaving on jet plane...

There's something very solemn and beautiful about spending a Saturday on your own which is exactly what I did today. It was a day filled with mundane tasks - cooking, cleaning, shopping and washing - interspersed with some self reflection. The day was overshadowed by a feeling of content of where my heart is at at the moment. I finally feel at peace with the last couple of years of my amorous adventures. Am looking forward to Bella Italia this week and taking a break from crazy London life. However much I love my london life it does the have the ability to engulf my emotional brain to think that independent life is possible. This makes you forget that "Happiness is only real when shared - Christopher McCandless" A gentle reminder to the fact that the beauty of life lies in the power of relationships is what I need right now and a little holiday is the perfect antidote I need to do just that. Carezzano, here I come!

The Indomitable Heart

If I am richer by any knowledge of late, it would be knowing that blood certainly is thumping in my heart paving the way for delirious pain. The very real pain I feel lately proves that heart ache doesn't escape anyone. Even the most cynical of urbanites living in the concrete jungle that is London, hardened by the harsh realities of non-committed relationships and nocturnal liaisons, will feel the onslaught of the varieties of love out there. Love is the never ending game of winning a heart, loosing one or fighting for one. It isn't governed by any rational logic, driven purely by indomitable feelings, it envelopes you at your weakest, and forces you to live life in the most unsecured circumstances. Is real love infatuation or is durability the ultimate testament for real love?

That Unique Idea...

So is it all about creating and being the next best thing in business OR is it about finding your niche and adapting it to current times? Should money be the "soul motivator" or a rocket ship of passion?

Day by day, hour by hour am uncovering answers to these questions and its exciting......starting on a clean slate and getting my creative juices flowing to draw my perfect future is fascinating. Shifting the power of control over my life from the hands of my employer to mine, even if it is through minuscule steps gives me immense pleasure. Am creating my revolution, quietly but sternly.

To Start-Up or Not to Start-Up?

Economic Recession is like a land plagued with a drought. People are forced to make do with their imagination to come up with innovative ways of producing resources to create abundance. When the natural and obvious resources dries up, you have to stand up and start up "genetically modified" ones. This could be why start ups is plenty around during a recession. Reflecting on the past week I have had, I am more willed on making my start up a success.

I had the privilege of making a significant contribution to my current company's recruitment process. Witnessing how my boss explained how he started his own company 20 years ago, inspired me and of course the drama that ensued during the final candidate selection made me more determined on how much the freedom and independence of running my own business would satisfy me.

I am lucky to have met people who inspire me in my life, but the business world is a cut throat one. A world where the saying "you snooze you loose" rings true in every corner. I am beginning to realise, how business partnership is a rocky road. Trust, communication and most importantly how monetary gain tricks the human mind are all part and parcel of a business partnership. As I pave the way to economic freedom, these are the lessons that are moulding me.

With this ring, I thee wed...

If you live in London, you cannot escape the wedding fanfare surrounding the second heir to the throne, William and Kate's big day tomorrow. I get a bank holiday to mark the event, so I am all for celebrating the royal wedding. A nice lie in, big breakfast and feet up on the bed while I watch it all unfold on my TV is how I plan to take part.

All these weddings got me thinking, about women and our innermost urges to nest and brooding. Despite the battles of our ancestors, to uphold the rights of women, fundamentally is that all we want to do? Find our prince and abide by our biological clock? Does every woman envy Kate? Is getting married and living happily ever after what every woman wants to do? Does it fulfil us in a way that no other happiness could?

From a very young age, my mum has always instilled a feminine independence in me and I have carried it through till now. It has fuelled my will power during dark, weak moments in my life and I always believed that happiness is in your hands not in the hands of a man who can provide you security in a hunter/gatherer notion. But as I get older, I am beginning to realise no matter how hard you try a woman or a man cannot deny the fundamental feelings we have, which maybe dormant at certain points in life, that a woman wants to nest while a man wants to provide. This create the ultimate fulfilment.

Platonic Relationships and Mixing Business with Pleasure?

Does such a thing as a platonic relationship exist?

Could a man and a woman have a straight forward relationship devoid of sexual attraction co-habit? Especially two, who have a history of it? If so, how do you know that you have exhausted that animal attraction? When is the cut off point?

And can you actually mix business with pleasure?

Even worse, can you mix business with a underlying lava mountain of pleasure with the potential of exploding any minute now?

These are the facts going around my head at the moment. Do I save my heart and not get in to it or throw caution to the wind and take a gamble and see if my heart survives the world wind?

Turkey, Morocco and Hungary and all that is inbetween

Last night, I went for a little sing song birthday celebration of a girl friend from Morocco. The Belly dancing and the Moroccan singing was splendid, who knew you could get all of this within a 20 minute tube ride from Surrey?! There was a table of Moroccan men so mesmerised by the singing, the way they joined in created almost a tribal feeling!

I had the most amazing dish (stuffed cabbage) which I've tasted in Hungary and my Turkish friend was saying they have it in their culinary line-up too. It got me thinking, how all these cultures of that part of the world are inter-connected.

North African culture is one that I am not accustomed to, belly dancing is such a sensual dance arousing any hot blooded man/woman's desires but yet people from this part of the world, who are pre-dominantly Muslim, have the most conservative of cultures. They are a fascinating bunch. Despite the fact that a massive amount of effort is put in to dressing up in the most sexually attractive way possible, sex is very much a taboo issue amongst them. A cynic may say this is hypocritical, but I guess as with many things this might be yet another testament to how everything in life is a contradiction.

Today, for example, I decided to spend a beautiful sunny Sunday on my own basking in the glory of happiness born by complete freedom devoid of any human contact. But I found my self, constantly using facebook to try and connect with other people, yearning for human contact. Life is very much a mystery for us humans, and we are constantly searching for happiness and failing as every happiness we find is temporary. What is certain about life is the uncertainty.

Being aware of our mortality

I am one of those annoying people who have the perfect relationship with their parents. My Mum and Dad are like my best friends, as much of a cliche as that sounds, its true. We criticize, mock and philosophise about life and the world like friends do and I cannot imagine a life without them. Something my mum said yesterday, about a palm reader saying her life will span till the age of 72 shocked me. To face mortality in such a way was cruel. To face the reality of a beautiful relationship not lasting is one of life's worst things. But something short intensifies its sweetness. I want to savour every moment with my parents and be thankful everyday for the life they have given me. My only wish is to have the privilege to enjoy the sweetness of their company for a long time coming.

Carezzano - Here I come!

Bought tickets to go to Italia again this summer. Carezzano is in the North of Italy nestled amongst mountains and valleys with a population of less than 20. North Italy is a conservative land proud of traditions and family values. My friend Silvia, is the perfect host, she certainly is the hostess with the mostess. Safe in her shadow, I don't get judged much in this part of the world for my skin colour. I would in other circumstance am sure. Italy is a beautiful country and its people with the rare ability to please the palette in in-numerous ways. They have similarities to Sri Lanka, people can be judgemental, conservative and safe in their familiar territories. But it doesn't take much to shed those insecurities to invite people to their homes and their hearts and bask us in the glory that is their culture.

What is Happiness - Unrelenting Question?

Yesterday, I was with my good old friends Kat and James, whom I've known as two single people to their current state of parents of beautiful blue eyed Jack. Spent a lovely sunny afternoon with the trio, and it got me thinking, are they experiencing true happiness? I think they are. One look at Jack was enough to flush away all your troubles and provide the happiness that no riches can acquire. I think their own not so happy family situations as children caused them to pursue this life at an early age and my childhood complete with beautiful memories with my parents and sisters causes me to chase another kind of happiness. I am very aware of the fact that this path will bring loneliness to my life, but I want to take this road less travelled, the road without the proven success record.

Learning to cruise at 32

2011 has started off with a bang for me. Finally my era of feeling like my life is going around the same circle has come to an end. Last Thursday, exactly a week ago, I passed my driving test after two years of strife. Lately, I have been plagued with the feeling of my life not moving on, be it in love, work or other personal etc. Finally, I managed to pour water to that raging fire and now looking brightly in to my future of new beginnings. The next battle comes in the form of career change.

Dreaming of Sri Lanka

Having lived 10 years in London, I finally have begun to value the splendour of my motherland, Sri Lanka.

Don't get me wrong, my London Life is anything but mundane, I mean which other city offers weekend entertainment in the form of heart stopping burlesque dansing in a equally seductive venue. I thank my lucky stars every day to be living in such an amazing city. I could walk from one road to another in London and my eyes have the privilege to witness and my taste buds to devour the customs and food belonging to people of countries from two ends of the world.

My maiden city, Colombo, offers a certain kind of allure that i was oblivious for, when I was growing up. Suddenly, the wisdom of my thirties have allowed me to embrace the pride of being Sri Lankan and appreciate the wonders that my land offers. I hope to share these wonders with whoever bumps in to this site and also from time to time the life lessons I learn on the way.