A defining year - There has got to be another way.

“Local time is 2.30 in the afternoon and temperature reads at 37 degrees” announced the stewardess over the speakers just when the plane touched the ground at Colombo Airport on a Saturday afternoon.  It suddenly dawned on me that I have finally realized the dream of returning home and a new adventure was beckoning.  As I gazed outside the window Sri Lanka welcomed me with bright sunny weather and coconut trees.  An all too familiar sight that I use to take for granted, had a renewed impact on me. Being away from home for 12 years would do that to a person I guess.  I expected many things to have a renewed impact on me, life as I knew it for awhile was going to change and I was ready.  A slow walk from the plane to customs taking in the heavenly lit sunshine blasting through the glass windows allowed me to reflect about the life I left behind and the one I was walking in to. My parents would be eagerly waiting my arrival at the other side of customs, happy that their somewhat empty nest would be filled up again and happy to be back with me.  I on the other hand had mixed emotions.  Elated to be finally reunited with them and not having to live so far away to see the smiles on their faces but reticent about my country and my people not quite accepting my evolved self.  London without a doubt changed me.  But I managed to save that little bit of me which had a strong connection to my roots.  That was my calling. That and a song by Baz Luhrmann!

My sister greeted me with her usual nonchalant self at the airport exit, comfortably seated in the driving seat of the Honda civic which was going to be a faithful companion in my new adventure.  My family is not the expressive kind but the love I felt in that car ride home need not have been expressed in words.  It was an overwhelming feeling of completion that only lovers feel in each other’s company.  I still get that feeling during car rides with my parents and sister. Everything that I would ever need in my life fit in to a tiny compartment and it wouldn’t matter where we ended up in as we were all together.  It was us against the world. My family needed me and everything felt so right. All the pegs fit in to all the right holes.

In Sri Lanka 2012, everything felt like a novelty to me.  The forgotten traffic noise, people’s staring, the constant sweat from the sweltering heat and the cultural nuances that had slipped my mind which I had to re-learn.  I came with dreams I wanted to realize and people I wanted to be with, life felt meaningful – a feeling that had escaped me for awhile. 

Contradicting your Intuition

The world is mourning Steve Jobs this week. Facebook was flooded with his quotes and one thing that struck out most was his determination to reject dogmas and listen to his inner voice. To not live someone else's dream and follow your heart as it knows before you what you want to become. Its so easy to have your dreams overwritten by other people's opinions. Those opinions could belong to your nearest and dearest and erasing the engraving of them will prove to be an insurmountable task...well almost. I have always accepted my self as a walking contradiction, I yearn for urban city life independence and suburban family life glory equally. I see this contradiction in my parents too. My dad is a traditionalist in love with my mum, who is a complete feminist. My mum, a liberal but willing to give up that freedom for the love of her life, my dad. Intuition is an enigma. It takes us places we never believed we would arrive at. The journey is uncertain and painful but the beauty is when you arrive everything feels right to the core. R.I.P Steve Jobs.  Thank you for the inspiration.

Funny how a lonely day can make a person say "What good is my life?"

I am leaving a tough week behind me. Had a harsh awakening about mine and my loved one's mortality as my sister went through a cancer scare. But with a new lease of life I end Friday and September on a good note. Today, after work I had a serene walk to the V&A in South Kensington from work. Had a good look around an exhibition on Annie Lenox and then came home to watch a great film on the legend that is Shirely Bassey. All these inspirational women got me thinking of the beauty of being a woman. How we seem to recycle our pain to transform ourselves in to stronger beings. The innate nature of a woman is confront, despair, repair and renew who we are. Having grown up in a house of 5 women, I appreciate this strength in women. And as my sister celebrate her good health, I take a moment to reflect on "the sisters around me who do it for themselves".

From velencei tó to chithurst monastery

The last bank holiday weekend of the summer was spent in the outskirts of Budapest running, swimming and cycling around the vicinity of Judit's parents holiday home in Velence. Hungary is a country proud of its treasured remnants of a bygone communist era. Whilst building a life of democracy, I hope it retains its innocence cultivated through the hardship of the communist rule. You can witness this in long standing family run traditional bakeries, in the eyes of hungarians of the pre war era and the way ordinary people find happiness in life's simple pleasures - a very contrasting attitude to that of western europe. Fast forward a week, and today I found my self waking up at 6 am driving down to West Sussex to a Forest Monastery to help two of my friends celebrate their 10 year wedding anniversary in a spiritual way. We cooked and offered dane (lunch) to the residing monks of the monastery and passed on merit for those near and dear to us who have passed away. Mine was in memory of my aththababa. It could be because of this woman, my grandma, that I have the privilege to travel and find my self. On the day of her passing, September 07, I remind my self the sweet serendipity of life.

The Summer of Love

Am back from Italy and buoy that country rejuvenated me. Beautiful warm evenings spent under the moonlight sitting outside the village bar in carezzano to swimming in the sea of the liguria region admiring the hilly views around me to taking in the breath taking views from silvia's parents country house garden. The simple italian way of living reminded me of the best things in life. Eat, Swim and Love perfectly sums up my holiday.

Am leaving on jet plane...

There's something very solemn and beautiful about spending a Saturday on your own which is exactly what I did today. It was a day filled with mundane tasks - cooking, cleaning, shopping and washing - interspersed with some self reflection. The day was overshadowed by a feeling of content of where my heart is at at the moment. I finally feel at peace with the last couple of years of my amorous adventures. Am looking forward to Bella Italia this week and taking a break from crazy London life. However much I love my london life it does the have the ability to engulf my emotional brain to think that independent life is possible. This makes you forget that "Happiness is only real when shared - Christopher McCandless" A gentle reminder to the fact that the beauty of life lies in the power of relationships is what I need right now and a little holiday is the perfect antidote I need to do just that. Carezzano, here I come!

The Indomitable Heart

If I am richer by any knowledge of late, it would be knowing that blood certainly is thumping in my heart paving the way for delirious pain. The very real pain I feel lately proves that heart ache doesn't escape anyone. Even the most cynical of urbanites living in the concrete jungle that is London, hardened by the harsh realities of non-committed relationships and nocturnal liaisons, will feel the onslaught of the varieties of love out there. Love is the never ending game of winning a heart, loosing one or fighting for one. It isn't governed by any rational logic, driven purely by indomitable feelings, it envelopes you at your weakest, and forces you to live life in the most unsecured circumstances. Is real love infatuation or is durability the ultimate testament for real love?